Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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