are you still at the devil's house?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
