How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
