I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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