watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
being pregnant is like rehab
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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