I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The struggles of a small town man whore
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
