This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
this hospital has no fireball
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
