Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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