I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
