How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
