GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
