hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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