sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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