We got so high we made milksteak
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize