I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize
