umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
tell me about the eggs
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