my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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