Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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