they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
