The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You ate ashes out of my bong
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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