The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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