Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
