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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
