you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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