I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
