Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My liver just had a heart attack.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
