My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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