I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
