She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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