Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
