the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I fill condoms, not promises.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
