i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
