she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
