yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
