I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
