remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
