i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
