I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
