I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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