I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
