she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
