Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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