just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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