I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
