What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
