In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
