I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
