Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
