I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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