Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The power of my boobs compel you
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My bed smells like the plague
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