"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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