I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
