you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
