Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
bring money and cleavage
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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