Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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