I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
