Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
