I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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