You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
