never play flip cup with pint glasses
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Randomize
