Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
