I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
