I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize