I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
