Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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