we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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