i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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