My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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