His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
