Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
