They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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