So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
