i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My vagina just clenched in fear
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
