College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This house was built for laser tag.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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