We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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