this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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