Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
