So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
