And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
