:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
