Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
