there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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