I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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